Black Men Identifying Their Pain and Reclaiming Their Power
November 1, 2023
An actor and a psychologist examine the stressors in the lives of Black males, suggesting ways for improved self-care. Just as Vance was beginning to enjoy success as an actor, his father, long traumatized by the feeling of abandonment in childhood, committed suicide. The event set him on a yearslong voyage of self-examination. "I loved my father deeply," Vance writes, "but I hardly knew him"--a common feeling among Black men, who, writes Smith, "live with the contradiction of being highly scrutinized and invisible at the same time. They know that when they are in non-Black spaces, they are being watched, sometimes with admiration, sometimes with envy, often with fear." Wrestling with that contradiction is a high-wire act for many, especially for those who become visible through fame, whether as an actor, athlete, politician, or business leader. "They try," Smith adds, "to believe that it's not painful or messy to know that their special status is fragile...or that if they are considered special, it means so many who look like them are not." The resulting denial, she holds, is itself a stressor. Addressing those sources of friction requires men to seek help, which is sometimes difficult to do, contradicting cultural ideals of stoicism. Vance writes of the difficulty of seeking therapy--and then of the many benefits that resulted. Smith encourages constant alertness to the condition of those around you. "Get in other folks' business," she counsels, particularly, as both she and Vance write, when there is any hint of suicidal ideation or behavior. In a book whose lessons extend to readers of any background, the authors emphasize the necessity of self-care and the awareness that with all of life's tragedies, "no circumstance is without meaning" and "no experience is wasted." A thoughtful, wise, empathetic book that has the capacity to save lives.
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